Saturday, March 05, 2011

One date I won't be going on

So there's this woman on Plenty of Fish, see, who lists music and film as an interest. I'm idly trolling around, hoping to find someone else who is going to see the Residents, and she's about the only interesting person around at the moment. I'm sort of in a "dating grey zone," where someone I was seeing moved away and it's unclear how that relationship will progress - and I'm not quite sure that this PoF-person is what I'm looking for, anyhow (her profile is a bit too general) but, what the heck, I throw out a wee foray: "What kind of music and film do you like?"

She responds with "Justin Bieber and Hilary Duff," and some sort of smiley-winky thing.

Now, she seems a bit too smart for this to be a sincere answer, so I figure that she's being sarcastic, making fun of my caring about such matters. If so, it's a reasonably witty move, I suppose, if slightly smartassed and controlling (because she's forcing me to waltz around with her to get a simple answer to a question). But I can play along, if that's how she wants to be, I decide: so how can I respond in kind?

I write back: "Really? You'd better swallow, in that case. No, no - just being gross! But seriously..."

Now, just for the record, having tasted my own semen, and discovered that it makes Buckley's Mixture seem positively yummy, I honestly, sincerely, don't give a damn WHAT a woman does with my ejaculate, when performing oral sex - hell, as long as she GETS ME THERE, I don't mind if she leaps from the bed and hides under a plastic tarp when the spurting starts, and thus leaves me to enjoy the brief blank slate of utter non-being completely unmolested (which is kind of how I prefer it: get me to the point where I can surf the nothing and COMPLETELY STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING, y'know?). I've met men who said they found it "degrading" to have a woman spit out their semen; I'm happy to say that I have no insight whatsoever into that mindset (do they feel insulted if people open windows when they fart? How insecure are they?). To tell the truth, if a woman knows what she's doing, I'm generally not even inclined to notice what parts are where, at the moment of climax. What I was expressing was in NO WAY meant as a reflection of my need to have my goo gobbled. It was just me trying to meet smartassery with smartassery (and register my disdain for the Bieber/Duff world).

Can you believe it? She didn't understand.


Anonymous said...

yeah, I can totally understand why she wouldn't understand. It seems sometimes that, in some men, a strong intellect goes hand-in-hand with a)arrogance and b)an inability to get that most women don't find it intelligent - or cool - for men to go right for the crass. Mostly it's just creepy.

Allan MacInnis said...

But it was IRONICALLY creepy!

(Ah, well. It seemed like a good idea at the time, anyhow).

Not Waving But Drowning said...

I raised this question at work: Can a hardcore vegan swallow? It was met with the wall of silence.

Allan MacInnis said...

If you don't mind, I think I'll skip asking the vegans I know that question.