RIP Hal Willner, John Prine

Two people whose work I have loved died yesterday of COVID-19. Sad about both, but nothing especially valuable to say about either, other than that the world is a lesser place without them.

A Noelle Chaos interview: of Chaos Disorder And Panic, the Rebel Spell, COVID-19... and a large veterinary bill for Trooper

Chaos Disorder And Panic, photo provided by Noelle Chaos

The short version: Noelle Chaos comes from Chilliwack, is involved with distributing, booking, and promoting punk rock (and other forms of music) in Vancouver, and plays in a crust-punk-meets-noise-meets-grindcore band called Chaos Disorder And Panic. In fact, sometimes she is a crust-punk-meets-noise-meets-grindcore band called Chaos Disorder And Panic. She's has long association with the Rebel Spell and bands in their diaspora. I'll go into detail below, because she is an interesting person who has had a huge and important impact on the Vancouver punk scene; but more pressingly at the moment, she has massive veterinary bills from her cat, Trooper, who is having pancreas problems. I'd been planning to write about Noelle anyhow, to promote an upcoming tour and some of the shows she is involved in, but all of that has been cancelled because of the weird circumstances we find ourselves in. However, as an alternate way of supporting the scene - and as the buddy of a cat named Tybalt, who has bad kidneys - I am happy to have a chance to send some support and money Noelle's way. I'll be donating $50 to the cause to help pay Trooper's medical bills (next payday, mind you, because this one went whoosh). If you can afford it, I encourage you to do the same. 

Trooper, photo provided by Noelle Chaos

The long version: Noelle and I have probably crossed paths a few times without knowing it. I know I caught Broadcast Zero and the Rebel Spell at the Cobalt, once, so perhaps she was at that gig, too. I'd seen her before (I guess) at the Rebels Sing tribute gig at the Rickshaw, and heard her band - a grindcore-meets-crust punk-meets-noise, bass-driven onslaught called Chaos Disorder And Panic - included on the album associated with that show (track 25, as CDP). All I know is that I kind of recognized her when I finally officially met her at a screening I hosted of Suburbia at the Vancity Theatre, which I'd timed as a sort of tribute to the Rebel Spell's frontman, Todd Serious. In addition to getting Jeff Andrew to play a short set, we played clips by the Rebel Spell, Freak Dream (an early version of their terrifying "Bash Hop" video) and an early clip of Alien Boys (I forget which, so let's show you this one, the official video for "Bender," instead). Noelle was there, sitting with members of the bands. We chatted briefly after the film.  I've since caught CDP live, and gotten to know Noelle a little (but not well). 

Freak Dream by bev davies, not to be reused without permission

Elliot Langford (formerly of the SSRI's and the Rebel Spell, now of Freak Dream) knows her better. (Incidentally, Elliot is among those who is sorta "screwed over by COVID-19" right now, because his work is all stuff he does "with people in person," so do check out that Freak Dream bandcamp and maybe buy a download to support him? He's confident he'll figure something out, but if you want to support local music, and have money left over after donating to Trooper..). Elliot writes: 

I've known Noelle for over 10 years, first meeting her through the Rebel Spell. She's a character and a strong personality, and very funny, and the more I got to know her, the better friends we became. For a few years she lived a few blocks away from me and would come over to my house to chat and tell me the latest news about her bands Chaos Disorder And Panic, Coffee Grinder and Curmudgeons, and also updates about her cat Trooper. She would also come over to do laundry. At the time, Noelle's main pair of pants was a pair of leopard print pyjama pants, but one day when she was doing laundry at my house I noticed her wearing a pair of jeans. "Nice jeans" I said to Noelle, to which she replied, "Oh yeah, well my usual pyjama pants are in the wash!"

I'd be hard pressed to think of anyone that works harder than her. She POSTERS, she gives out HANDBILLS, she runs a DISTRO, she organizes gigs, she bartends, and does most of this work thanklessly for little or no financial reward. She's an essential part of the fabric of Vancouver's punk scene - I think it's pretty much safe to say if you don't know her, it's because you haven't gone to enough local punk gigs in the last decade!

Trooper comes up in conversations a lot and I know he means the world to her, having moved around with Noelle through several crummy places before getting their nice spot now. I know because I'm pretty sure I helped Noelle and Trooper move at least once, but Trooper hated his cat carrier so he just roamed around the car while we moved! A very sweet cat for a very sweet friend who deserves our support!

One thing I ask Noelle about below is the principle that All Cops Are Bastards - which I've heard her elaborate on onstage, and which is a theme of a zine stocked in Noelle's distro:

Noelle discusses ACAB below, but I figured I'd get Elliot's two cents, as well: since it transparently isn't true that all people in any profession are bastards (pick your own example of people from horrible groups who did virtuous things - Oskar Schindler and John Rabe come to mind for me). Even if the principle is not actually true, it might be useful - like yippies and hippies telling each other not to trust anyone over 35 - as a way of protecting you from trusting "the man." Elliot writes:

As for ACAB yeah maybe you're right it's more of a protective principle - but at the same time their job is to serve laws, many of which may be unjust, to protect private property and the interests of the state/elite bla bla bla. I can't say I'm friends with any cops, and if any of my friends became cops... that would be weird. And anyhow, who wants to be the "ok well not ALL cops are bastards" guy, that's like being like "ok but not ALL men..." but yeah, it's probably more a general criticism of systematic things/ the interests cops serve, rather than saying that literally all of them are terrible people, I don't know. Anyhow there's my incoherent thoughts about that since you asked.

 Noelle Chaos by Allan MacInnis

Interview with Noelle Chaos follows below.

AM: Tell me about your history with Todd Serious and the Rebel Spell! Any cool stories - how you first encountered the band, favourite memories or songs, how they affected you... I think you said that you knew Todd when he was in Endgame? 

NC: Hi Allan, No I didn’t know Todd when he was in End Game, I met him through the Rebel Spell. However I was aware that End Game existed. I have Todd’s old bass amp that I think is from that time period. I have lots of great Todd stories I’ll talk about below.

I discovered The Rebel Spell’s music a couple of years before I became friends with them, shortly after that. Chilliwack, the town I grew up in, had a thriving underground scene. My friend Taylor used to setup his record distro at the shows he put on and that’s where I was doing almost all my shopping: distros and bands' merch tables. I’d come fish through stuff and we’d talk about bands, nerdy punk stuff, hating shopping malls, consumerism, conformity and stuff then I’d do my shopping and get myself a bag of new stuff. One day I was over at Taylor’s house picking up some stuff I ordered, and he gave me a couple of Rebel Spell CDs and said “take these as well they’re from Vancouver and I think you’d like them." I went home and listened to them and got excited. I put on Expression In Layman's Terms and "Net Worth" came on I said to my cat at the time, yes this is great and it has some claws. They hate all the same things I hate. When I’d read their lyrics and also listened to bands like Propagandhi, Leper, Iskra, Cambridge and so many others, I felt like I was actually learning about stuff and started thinking what if we stood for all these things and could create more than just noise and mayhem... don’t get me wrong I love noise and mayhem but was also inspired by the activism side of things as well.

The Rebel Spell 2012 New Year's show by Noelle Chaos

NC: Fast forward 2 or 3 years, I’d been putting on shows for a while and my generation was starting to take over and inherit the scene. I’d been going out to Vancouver to see shows at The Cobalt, and Chaos Disorder And Panic had started to take form and had played out a few out of town. The Rebel Spell had played at one of my shows I put on in Chilliwack, and I’d been to a couple of their shows so I’m pretty sure we’d all at least met. However we didn’t actually start hanging out and becoming friends until our mutual friends Broadcast Zero from Ontario came out on tour. We all hung out at shows while they were here; it would turn into a big friend gathering weekend adventure that you’d look forward to. Everyone would come out of the woodwork and spend the weekend hanging out, catching up and going to the shows together. That’s how I met everyone and became close friends - it was from our annual family gatherings. Eventually everyone became really close friends which we sometimes refer as Truth Crew or the Rebel Family.....which is basically our group of friends that we formed around that time. Both the people and the band had a huge impact on me. Not only was it one of the first local really political bands I got super into, in addition to the music being really educational and inspiring, me and some of my friends became adults and learned about the world, life about and lots of other things. It was a place where everyone belonged and was a part of the community. You could sense the positive energy in the crowd at shows and how you could see 200 people going crazy in the mosh pit but very minimal macho bullshit. My friend Jonny put it best when he said Todd was like the Master Splinter to all of us Ninja Turtles.

Noelle: The one where i'm on crutches (from a knee injury skateboarding) is taken after a show with Rebel Spell, Broadcast Zero and a few of our other friends bands

NC: Whether it was me and my friends sitting around the kitchen table asking Todd for his wisdom and guidance about our problems, his letting my band jam in his basement, his giving me my first bass amp that I still use to this day and driving us to our shows, a comfortable couch to sleep on if you needed one, taking me on fun trips when Rebel Spell would go places and I’d say I wanted to go to or how you never actually got away with anything... even if you thought you did Todd always somehow knew. Like the time me and my friend Delilah rode Todd’s bass amp down a hill (we were rolling it on a skateboard because it was heavy to catch the bus to a show and we decided it would be easier to steer if I sat on it and Delilah held on it from the back), or the time I crashed into his garage when I was learning to bomb hills on my skateboard; the time I was staying at the Rebel Spell house and locked both of us out when I lost the keys right after Todd told me to make sure I didn’t lose the keys, and I had to go get Erin to help me climb in the window; when Todd drove me out to Abbotsford for a show and we went on an unsuccessful quest for vegan food and ended up settling for peanut butter and banana sandwiches and hanging out in the car... Or the fact Todd had this way of teaching you important life lessons without you knowing he was actually teaching you something important or how almost every important life lesson I learned came from someone in that band. I probably wouldn’t be who I am now if it wasn’t for Todd, or anyone else in that band.

The Rebel Spell by Jennifer Dodds

AM: When and where did Chaos Disorder and Panic begin? I get the impression that it's less about the music for you - which is kinda brutal and straightforward - and more about being able to have a public voice? Do you have particular songs that you're happiest with (musically? Lyrically?). Has it always just been you?

NC: Chaos Disorder And Panic started in 2006, I played my first show June 5th at Hope River Lions Hall w/ Whitey, Ninjaspy and Scantily Clad. No, it’s about the music. I love playing loud crusty music and experimenting with different ideas and new ways to structure songs and having something that's mine to express ideas. When I first started Chaos Disorder And Panic I was a solo act and it was quite a bit different: I played guitar and it was artsy skatepunk and spoken word lyrics. I got bored of that quickly and it didn’t work the way I thought it was going to, so I evolved more towards noise punk.

Eventually I got bored of being a solo act after talking to my friend Sean Kilby and saying I really wanted to record with a band. Sean suggested I find a band I like and borrow their members as my backup band... Sean proceeded to offer me his band The Killed Spirits. After some plotting and scheming we decided to record an album together, Sean and I wrote a song together called "The Good Ol’ Days" about scene drama and how we don’t like it. We recorded a 5 song EP in Matt from The Killed Spirits' garage and we had a great time doing a project together. After that record I decided I wanted band members. Shortly after that my friend Colin from Batoche/ Born Of Ashes joined me on drums and we played some shows around Vancouver but due to Colin living in Vancouver and me living Chilliwack it didn’t last long. After a search for more geographically convenient band members I convinced 2 of my friends they should play in a band with me. I switched to bass, Delilah took over on guitar and Crackarz joined us on drums this is when I feel like Chaos Disorder And Panic really came to life. We did this for a couple of years and then we all started heading in different directions both with our musical tastes and our lives but this is period when a lot of the songs for Chaos Theory were written. I’ve had a few other band members since that but the main problem has always been finding band members that can tour and want to play shows on a regular basis or basically could keep up with all my ambitious ideas. I’d also been playing drums in an improv harsh noise, grind, sludge, doom band called Curmudgeons. At the time I also had a fairly casual internet band with 2 friends in far away places. I was really getting into playing crust, grind and a more hardcore style of punk. Me and the guitarist of that project were sending tracks back and forth I don’t think we ever actually finished anything but we exchanged a lot of ideas. It got me thinking while I was jamming tracks in my jamspace for that project, "Hey I could probably do this for Chaos Disorder And Panic." I played around with some ideas and consulted some folks I know who’ve done similar things. Well at a book fair in Victoria I pitched the idea to my friend Cody who plays in tons of bands and is basically the gear, recording and idea guru of Victoria. He said yeah he can do it so we made plans for me to go spend a weekend in Victoria becoming my entire band. I’ve been using that setup for 3 and a half years now. I feel like its the best of both worlds I get to have the full band sound and the freedom to chase all my music ambitions. I’d also like to stress all the instruments including the drums are all real instruments played by me. No drum machines have ever been used in Chaos Disorder And Panic.

Noelle watches Alien Boys, by Bob Hanham

NC: I do also like having platform and I think it’s important if you have a microphone and audience you should use it. I’d think about how much I learned and how I liked it when bands like Leper and Iskra would talk about what some of their songs were about and engage the audience. Or other less serious bands would tell jokes and engage the audience with their antics. I think there is a good balance of being fun and engaging the audience but also talking about the social issues in my songs.

I’m pretty attached to all my songs but some trivia facts about some of the songs. "Homes Not Games" was written for an anti-Olympics protest. It’s about the gentrification of the downtown eastside, the eviction of the Cobalt and the first wave of renovictions of low income housing and how homeless people were being rounded up and either jailed or sent out of town....in fact I saw when they a bunch of them were dropped off the bus exchange in Chilliwack in the dead of winter and everywhere was trying to pretend it didn’t happen. Elliot from Freak Dream plays drums on the recording and completely nailed it after only 1 practice. He also plays drums on "If You’re Not Pissed Off You Probably Weren’t Paying Attention," "Rank N File" and recorded all of Chaos Theory in the living room of Thors Palace. "Breaking Point" was written by me and Delilah it’s about a close friend of ours that committed suicide after a long battle with mental illness to tell his story and deal with some of our emotions and also to express solidarity for everyone we knew that was battling mental illness and dealing with loss of important comrades.

"No Justice No Peace" is partially inspired by The Rebel Spell song "10,000 years." The first line of the song is inspired by Todd talking about writing the song and researching how far back the history police forces goes. The 2 choruses in the song NO JUSTICE NO PEACE FUCK THE POLICE and HANDS UP DON’T SHOOT are chants from protests and riots happening in Baltimore, Maryland and Ferguson, Missouri and all over the states and up here. I wanted to talk about the violence, corruption, racism and how much terrible stuff cops typically get away with. The reason all these protests and riots were happening is because cops were getting away with atrocities including murder and not having to face any kind of accountability for it... How we’re taught to just blindly respect the police and accept their authority. Just because you wear a uniform or have a badge and gun does not mean you’re a respectful person or you serve a respectable system. This isn’t just a case of a bad apples in one place, it’s part of a much bigger systemic problem.

A zine from Noelle's distro, by Allan MacInnis

NC: I know you’ve asked about this so I think this is a good place to address that since it’s recurring topic in at least 3 of my songs. The best way I could think of to explain it is this analogy. Think about for example the high school bully who picks on the poor people, anyone whose different from you or even just a different color and faces zero consequences....If anyone in the equation gets any consequences it’s the victims of the bullying. Despite all of this, high school bullies all over the place can’t figure out why some of their classmates hate and mistrust them. These aren’t things a respectable person does. If you aren’t behaving in a respectable to manner towards people no matter who you are or what your occupation is you shouldn’t be confused why they don’t trust or respect you.

I wrote "War Of The Machines" while I was watching Terminator. I’d already written the music for it and had decided I wanted to do a bit of a sci fi story about how destructive most of the wars we fight are, as I wrote the lyrics it just seemed to fit.

AM: You already explained to me in person why you release on cassette - could you explain again, for my readers? 

I’ve been releasing music on tapes for years. I stopped printing CDs because nobody wanted them, infact a lot of people these days don’t seem to even have anything to play a CD on unless they have a CD player in their car. Tapes and vinyl have been making a comeback in the punk scene. Everyone seems to have tape and record players again. I’d love to put my music out on records as well but vinyl is prohibitively expensive for a lot of smaller bands. Tapes are a really easy, cost effective alternative for bands that don’t have a lot of money. I’m also analog nerd and like the low fi you can get with them before everything became digitized. It’s really easy for a band to put out an album without a lot of resources. I have an oldschool tape dubbing setup at my house and a friend who works at a print shop who prints all my J cards and inserts. Before shows me and my quality control supervisor which is my cat Trooper sit down and do run of tapes right here in the living room. Additional piece of information this also partly how memorize new songs, in case you haven’t noticed some of my songs have a ton of lyrics to remember.

Noelle: the one with a bunch of us sitting on the front steps of a house is from potluck some of us had to celebrate what would have been Todd's birthday a few months after he died.

AM: Can you tell me about the venues you're involved with and the experience of putting on shows? Are you involved with a lot of benefits? Any stories of particularly crazy or memorable shows...?

NC: Vancouver and the Fraser Valley has lots of great venues. My roots are definitely in the all ages scene. I’ve played bars and I loved The Cobalt back in the day but bars just don’t have the same feeling as a house show or DIY space that exists because enough like minded friends got together and wanted to make a space happen. The energy that goes into creating a space so that your community has a place to play music, throw shows and gather together is a special thing. Most spaces are collectively run and every space has their own way of doing things. The common theme is to be inclusive of everyone and welcoming to the neighborhood you’re in. Most spaces always have some kind of policy about how nobody is turned away if they don’t have enough money, and welcome people who come to the spaces and attend shows to also get involved in whatever areas interest them. Others try to hire low income in their neighborhoods or communities for occasional odd jobs when required such as shopping trips for supplies, maintenance or renovations or volunteers eager to learn about the different tasks of running a show. Every space I’ve been involved with or played works hard to maintain a good relationship with the community. The biggest rules are that you treat everyone in the space with dignity and respect. Any forms of bigotry, harassment or just being a jerk is not tolerated and good way to get kicked out. I’ve seen tons of crazy stuff like the time Generacion Suicida from California played Vancouver in 2014; there was a crazy wind storm that knocked out the power to the entire neighborhood. I think we ran the show off a generator and used strategically placed flash lights to keep the space lit. There was a brief discussion shortly before the show that nobody was going to come because the city was in chaos about it.....shortly after that 200 people showed up and we were lined up out the door. Everyone raged hard it was super a fun show if I remember the power came back on towards the end of the show before the last band played and people cheered.

There was also a house show in Abbotsford where people were jumping off the couch crowd surfing and hanging off the rafters in the basement and a load bearing pillar for the room got knocked loose so we tied the couch and a chair to it. Then there's the time The Rebel Spell and The Restarts played a secret show at a house party and me and others were crowd surfing around the house. The after party from a punk fest got moved from the generator spot to a train yard. While a couple of people were hopping over a stopped train (that had been stopped for a long time) to get a better view, the train started to slowly move and people started to freak out a bit. I toured Canada on Greyhound during the wildfires of 2017....in fact I could probably tell a million stories about stuff that happens when you spend 10 years doing a couple of tours a year via Greyhound.

How do you stock your zine distro? Do people bring you zines? Do you seek them out? What are some of your favourites?

The zines I stock in my distro are all either written by people I know, local folks who’ve given me stuff they’ve created or stuff I find and think it’s an interesting read. I’m not involved with any of the zine libraries at venues but many of them are stocked with stuff people bring and leave it there and are pretty welcoming to folks displaying their creations as well.

Noelle checking out a set by Spencer Jo, by Allan MacInnis

AM: Who IS the old guy in the Alien Boys t-shirt, anyhow? (The one who isn't me?). I am assuming he is someone from the community, but it's so cool that basically whoever is playing, he tries to dance to it, and usually does a pretty good job. Do you have a lot of other regulars like that? Do you get to know them, or...?

NC: I know you mean but I don’t know his name. He’s someone from the community he comes out whenever he hears about a show. He’s gets out there and dances for all the bands and has good time. All ages shows are for everyone of all ages so we’re happy he comes out and has a good time.

Yes, every space has regulars and some are people who live in the neighborhood near the venue. Some are show goers in the punk scene who come out all the venues and some folks come out cause they like events and it gives them an opportunity to do an activity with people and enjoy the music. Most venues get to know all the regulars and they also get to know each other. I think it’s great that spaces and venues are welcoming and inclusive of this.

Curious about how COVID-19 is going to affect smaller venues. How long can someone pay rent on a space that's not making any money?

All of them are currently struggling with uncertainty right now. Unless a venue has another source of income which most don’t unless you happen to be lucky enough to be attached to a restaurant or other food-primary space that is still able to do take out... no events means no income. Depending how long this continues some, spaces might not survive the COVID-19 epidemic. If you want to support local venues in your area contact your favorite spots and see what the best way to support them is. The same goes for local bands. Many bands have had shows and in some cases entire tours cancelled.

AM: How long have you had Trooper? (How old is Trooper? Do I assume that Trooper's name is NOT a reference to any local bands?) Can you explain about his health issues? Are they resolved...? Besides donating to the Gofundme, how can people help support you, Trooper, Chaos Disorder and Panic, or local venues that have closed due Covid 19 ?

NC: Trooper is 7 years old and I’ve had him since he was 6 weeks old. I got him from a family in Squamish whose cat had just had kittens. We’ve been best friends ever since. No, Trooper’s name is not any way related to the band Trooper or any other local bands. The people I got Trooper from agreed to meet me in Horseshoe Bay since there was no transit to Squamish and I didn’t have a car. I took Trooper home on the bus but it was really crowded with people who just got off the ferry, including screaming babies, and a small dog in a carrier a couple of seats over that was barking at Trooper....this could be why Trooper has always hated dogs. We got off that bus to try to catch a less crowded bus, and while we were waiting for a less crowded bus, I told Trooper “you’re being such a good little trooper, what am I to call you ?” Trooper said “meow.” I said “do you like that ? Do you want to be called Trooper” Trooper looked up at me and said “meow” I looked at him and said, "OK, lets name you Trooper." About 2 or 3 buses later we got home and I showed him around his new home and the stuff I’d gotten him. Trooper has had a couple of health scares. When he was almost 2 he had an allergic reaction to one of his shots and spent the night at an emergency vet's being rehydrated after puking so much. He’s had the occasional stomach issue and sometimes has trouble pooping, and needs his bum wiped with babywipes. Then about a week and a half ago Trooper started pacing around his litter box meowing, he would also sit and meow like he was pain and then a couple days later he started puking. I called a friend that works at a vet clinic for advice and she said to bring him into the vet. After a few failed attempts I recruited my next door neighbor to help me get Trooper in his carrier. Trooper and I flew out the door to the vet. We spent the day at the vet, Trooper had a full exam, blood tests and X-rays, I don’t even remember what else because neither me or Trooper had much sleep. The vet said Trooper had a tooth infection and an inflamed pancreas and recommended he come back for an ultrasound to see why Trooper’s pancreas is so inflamed and what else could be potentially going on.

Trooper is currently relaxing at home with lots of cuddles and spoiling. He has been put on a special prescription diet of high nutrition, easy-to-digest catfood. Although Trooper is feeling better and is starting to boss me around again, since he knows he’s the king of the house, I’m not sure if his health problems are resolved yet or not. As of today, Trooper has had his ultra sound and both vet appointments and we’re currently waiting for the results and then go from there to make sure King Trooper has everything he needs.

I’d also like to say thanks to everyone for their support, well wishes and contributions. It’s been a stressful week but Trooper is hopefully on the mend and has been a very brave good kitty.

Anyone who wants to support Trooper’s recovery can contribute to his gofundme page that a friend of mine has setup at https://www.gofundme.com/f/trooper039s-recovery-fund?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link-tip&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet

Thanks to Noelle for answering my questions! 

Chaos Disorder And Panic by Allan MacInnis

Corona shutdown and music

There are certain things I have not dug into musically that I always thought I would catch up on someday, if I had the time. 

Suddenly, I have the time.

The list so far includes everything Lou Reed recorded after Ecstasy. I love that album; it's magnificent on headphones, has some really arresting lyrics, and it cares not at all about pandering to fans of Transformer or such. It helps, too, that I saw Lou in Tokyo touring it - one of those top concert experiences of mine, where Lou and Mike Rathke just dug into playing with each other and ignored Lou's hits until a fast, bored, let's-get-this-over-with encore. I didn't need the encore, and there were songs I would have liked to hear that I didn't ("The Blue Mask," say), but seeing Lou and Mike dig into playing with each other was pure pleasure.

But The Raven? I wasn't ready. Lulu with Metallica, appearing to a fanfare of boos? Nope, not at the time. But now I'm checking out both of them, listened to all of Lulu today, on headphones in bed with my eyes closed, and it's magnificent. Really ambitious. There's a lot of moments that I don't care for, places where Lars Ulrich seems to get a bit sloppy, or where Hetfield's voice takes on too much of a... James Hetfield quality; but it's definitely a Lou Reed project, and deserves a lot more love than it got. 

The other band I have been digging deeper into is the Screaming Trees; I have plenty of their albums around (tho' I am missing a few), but only recently started to really get into Sweet Oblivion and Invisible Lantern. ("Night Comes Creeping" is really crazily good, very fun and peppy!). A band I never saw; I caught Mark Lanegan solo once, opening for Nick Cave, but his solo stuff hasn't really hooked me.

There's a lot else I could explore... looking forward to having the time. Let's just hope that the crisis ends before I have time to catch up with Neil Young. 

The New Ford Pier is here!

After that stunning opening set for Bob Mould a few years ago - about which I had interviewed Ford Pier at length - I approached Ford and asked him, enthusiastically, "hey, what album is that bleeding-out-my-ass song on?"

I was, you see, at that point either in the midst of, or just recovering from, a very uncomfortable ordeal involving kidney stones and a stent to keep my urine flowing, which meant I was (sorry) pissing blood for months. Even though Ford's ass and my penis - let them never again be spoken of in the same sentence! - are very different orifices, the lyric to the effect of "happy days are here again/ I'm bleeding out my ass" REALLY RESONATED with me, and there was a dense, witty wordplay to the lyrics that I wanted more of.

Alas, the song was not on an album at that point, Ford explained, and then we went on to marvel at how attentive the audience had been, which was not the norm for solo opening slots of his I had seen, or indeed, most opening acts for most shows I've been to in Vancouver. But to come back to the bleeding-out-my-ass song, again, I wish I had been prepared when Ford opened for Eugene Chadbourne last month at Pat's Pub to record the song, which it turns out Ford has titled, "Ponce De Leon Vs. the Risible Shuck of Authenticity." I did not record it. I did record "Make It Look Like an Accident," also on the new album, but I don't love it as much as I love "Ponce De Leon Vs. the Risible Shuck of Authenticity," the title of which I hope to write enough times in this blogpiece that it supplants "the-bleeding-out-my-ass-song" as the way I think of it.

I have no idea what "Ponce De Leon Vs. the Risible Shuck of Authenticity" actually means, since I haven't read about Ponce De Leon in decades and have forgotten who he is. I do get the joke behind the title "Gormful in Maya," mind you, with the small qualification that before receiving Ford's pres release this morning, I had always thought "gormless" meant "lacking testicles." It is more like "befuddled, lacking sense." So it's about having being smart in the realm of illusion, not about having big balls.

I am going to totally download this album as soon as I get paid, to thank Ford for putting it out online, though note: he has made it available for free if you prefer it that way. He writes:

There were arrangements underway for a release like any other on the eve of another European jaunt, but Mother Nature had different plans. None of us today are living the lives we'd prepared ourselves for six months ago, and if records are living things, as I believe they are in many significant ways, then why should we expect that they should? So I've decided to offer the record for free/PWYW on Bandcamp. It's my hope that it will become a welcome part of everyone's sequestration! Future fond memories of a difficult time? Surely I delude myself! A coping mechanism, then. Gormful In Maya. Please enjoy.

I am no longer bleeding out my penis (and hope Ford never was bleeding out his ass), but I still love this song, and am looking forward to Friday, when I can PWIW to download it. Thanks for putting this out, Ford! Check this out, folks!

Strange dreams of my father, drunk, and an irresponsible and unprofitable trip to a bookstore

The cat leaps on me at 7:24 AM. I guess I'm awake. On the plus side, without him doing that, I wouldn't have remembered my dreams.

The parts and pieces of the dream don't seem to have been presented in the right order as I dreamed them, but in a sort of assemble-them-yourself, out-of-sequence jigsaw that can only be read one way. So I'm going to try to just assemble the puzzle, put it in narrative order, if I can...

In the dream, I am working somewhere. I don't think it's an ESL school or so forth; it's somewhere where there has been a management change (something my wife has dealt with in the last year, but not me) and I have been under a bit of pressure.

I decide at some point to leave for lunch and go to a thrift store to see if I can find some books I can resell, with the intention of going back to work afterwards, thinking I can make it in time. I know (in real life, in the midst of the COVID-19 shutdown) a used bookdealer who is open for business, and talked to both him and one of his employees on the phone yesterday, just to say hi, basically, and check in. (I did NOT chide them for being open during a pandemic; it's probably safer in that tiny store than any of the big box stores that people are crowding into for groceries, and what the hell, people might need a few books during the coming lockdown). In the dream, I spend a half hour in the thrift store - a corner of a basement in what feels like a Salvation Army, but is priced more like a Value Village - finding things said bookdealer might buy, putting them in my basket. The books are a bit pricy, but there are some promising ones, including some older books. The only specific title I remember seeing on the shelf is Tom Robbins' Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates, which in fact I don't buy, since it's pretty common, and the only Robbins books out there said bookdealer usually wants, if he's out of stock, are Jitterbug Perfume and sometimes Skinny Legs and All (really). Fierce Invalids is not worth the investment. 

I don't think any of this is significant - in the dream, I had a clear picture of the other books, too, it just didn't survive into the waking world; another - not a real book, and not the sort of book I would actually have considered buying - was a history of World War I and II, oversized and older, that said bookdealer would later say would appeal to Chinese customers, looking it up online to establish that it was actually worth something. It is interesting that the two specific books that stayed with me both could be tied into the COVID-19 crisis, since the Robbins' title seems to resonate with Canadians stuck overseas, and the second has a reference to China -  but that might just be coincidence.

Anyhow, I fill my basket, and - if I've got the order right; it really did feel jumbled when I woke up - I then go back to the apartment where I live with my parents, who apparently are both still alive in the dream, to see if my father (who, in real life, gave up his car back in the 1990's, though he was a driver) can give me a ride, since I'm afraid I'm going to be late for work. The apartment seems to be laid out like a place my folks actually lived in in the early 1990's, before I moved out on my own, except that the real apartment was in Maple Ridge, and in the dream, the apartment is in downtown Vancouver. Often when I dream, I find myself living in Maple Ridge with my parents, except it's in the 216 and Dewdney Trunk condos where I grew up (Richmond Court, for those who keep a record: 21555 Dewdney Trunk Road, V2X 3G6, but I forget the unit number. This dream is a little unusual in that it takes us to the next location they lived at after they sold that condo, to get out of debt - which they would soon find themselves right back in again. The building was on 122nd street - 22292 122nd, maybe? - and I lived there with them from about age 21 to age 26. It's mildly interesting that my dreaming brain seems to be updating its sense of where I live, like if I live another 30 years - unlikely as that presently seems - I'll only then be dreaming of myself living where I now really DO live).

In the dream, my father is not home, but arrives as I sit in my bedroom, looking through the books and trying to decide how I'm going to get to the bookstore and back to my real job without being outrageously late (and what I might say if discovered). Suddenly he comes home! I ask him to drive me, and he says he can't; I move to explain why it's urgent, and realize - he's totally drunk. Friendly and happy about it, in the somewhat playful, sentimental way that would often be his go-to when drinking, but soused to the point of uselessness. Nevermind my getting to the store -  I'm worried that he might have driven home!

My father, for the record, was not a heavy drinker, though he drank too often when he was dying of cancer, back in 2009, and I lectured him too much about it. But the cancer had spread to his liver, and my thought was he could have bought himself time by not taxing his liver with alcohol. And I resented his drinking, a bit, back then, since it took him away from being emotionally grounded and present with us. I was jealous of it, of his drinking taking the best of him away from us. After he died, I would regret simply not having drunk more with him, rather than hoping he would join Mom and I in sobriety, so we could have quality time, or whatever it was I thought would happen... we could have had a different kind of quality time if I'd just joined him in the bottle, and he would have felt less nagged, less judged.

Some lessons you figure out too late.

Anyhow, I don't remember much of our conversation from the dream; he explains how he came to be drunk in the middle of the day, involving his having run into someone he knew. He accompanies me to the lobby of the building, staggering a bit, where I reassure him that I do NOT want a ride, and tell him very sincerely that I love him; I think that I think I should do this, in the dream, because I know when I wake up, he's going to be dead again. But then it's back to the plan: I race down to what seems to be Dunsmuir Street (near where my actual job is), trying to orient myself. There's a street sign for Main. I take a minute to decide on a plan, and end up at the foot of a Vancouver bridge, where I can catch a bus. This is the last thing I seem to remember in the dream, the last piece of the puzzle I am given, if I am right about things being presented a-sequentially for me to sort out; but there's stuff that happens after it, that may have come before, so let's follow the linear order of the story; who the hell do you think you are, dreaming brain, Quentin Tarantino?

Once I get to the bookstore, said bookdealer goes through my selections and arrives at a price for them: $69, which works out to about three dollars a book (I think I actually have 13 books in the dream, not 23, but my dreaming brain may not be good at math; 69 divided by 13 is $3 each, which is what I arrive at in the dream, and in the dream, it makes sense to me there). "But I paid three dollars a book! You mean I did this all for nothing? Can you bump it up a little?"

He obliges me and gives me $75, and then I race back off to work, thinking, Jesus, I've been gone an hour and a half, I guess I'll tell them I took my hour lunch break and my half an hour coffee break together and won't take any other breaks during the day. Maybe my supervisor will let me get away with that?

I have no idea now what this "dream job" (ha) was supposed to be - not my actual one, for sure, and maybe not even a tutoring gig - but all I remember is feeling the stress of trying to fit back in, hoping no one noticed I'd been gone for an hour and a half, and chastising myself for having compromised the job for a mere $6 profit. Will the Chinese really pay a premium on that war book? Wasn't it supposed to be valuable? Did my bookdealer friend actually give me a fair price for it? Maybe he forgot it... I sure hope my supervisor doesn't see me...

Thanks, cat, for having preserved my dream for me!

Record your memories now: what were you doing when the world ended?

So different people have different ideas about when this all will end.

The Cinematheque, for example, has announced that it is in the midst of a "temporary closure" from March 16th to April 15th, which leaves a slim hope that my Clearcut screening on April 22nd will go ahead... except, given rising numbers of infected and dead - 77 new cases today in BC, with a province-wide ban going into place on dining in in restaurants as of today - and scary stories about people who are relatively young and healthy dying, this seems wildly optimistic. While I am not entirely glum, wild optimism about the future is not my current state of mind - more like "mildly panicked but holding the fort." I've been indoors all day today. I ventured out briefly for some essentials yesterday, but even picking up a shopping basket that had been handled by others at Walmart was kind of freaking me out (no one was thinking to sanitize them, though a cashier was kind enough to give me a pump from her jumbo squirt-bottle when I was done). And I am as worried about passing on contagion as I am about receiving it: as a tutor at a college with a dental program, which had people at the conference that someone with COVID-19 attended, it is easy to imagine that I have been exposed to the virus, though I have no reason to think so, am at this point entirely asymptomatic. I may be fine - I am not taking pains to sanitize everything I touch, because if I do, we'll be out of sani-wipes in a week; and if I do have the virus (or if Erika does), we've probably already given it to each other... but (unlike the five kids playing basketball happily tomorrow on the court outside my window) I am not kidding myself that this is all going to be over soon.

This makes me want to record a few things, for posterity, and for entertainment, and to urge other people to do the same, so if and when they get a chance to look back on their lives, they will have a record. Here, therefore, are some questions you can answer, if you like. No doubt most of this will take place on an ephemeral forum like Facebook, but me, for vanity, because I think someday somebody might care, I'm starting it out on my blog.

Here are the questions so far. There may be other good ones. I'll answer my own questions below.

What was the last meal you ate at a restaurant?  

What was the last concert you saw? (Or what were the last few concerts, if you're a music fan and want to record more than one).  

What was the last movie you saw in a theatre? 

If you have been told to stay home, what was your last day at your workplace? 

What was the last deliberate physical contact you had with someone who does not live with you? 

What was the last big trip to a store, to shop for something frivolous?  

What plans have you cancelled, because of COVID-19?

And now, here are my answers.

What was the last meal you ate at a restaurant? 

I am not entirely sure, but the last real "eating out" kinda restaurant experience I had was Erika Lax and I going to Mr. Ho's in Burnaby for wonton soup and a shared dish of green beans and chicken in black bean sauce, served with rice. That was Saturday, March 14th, and we loved it. While being nothing fancy, they've been our local, reliable Chinese restaurant for a few years now.

But there have been a couple of other occasions besides that which may count: I've also eaten, since then, at the cafeteria at the college where I work, on Monday the 16th - which seems a long time ago, since the school was still holding physical classes, with face-to-face tutoring, and an open cafeteria. That was at the "Asian kitchen" there, where the school's culinary students served me noodles, broccoli, and decent but not exceptional Chinese dishes involving beef and pork (Mr. Ho's is better). The cafeteria had, at that point, replaced the long tables, which sat about ten, with small, one-person-sized tables - something done at the last minute, maybe that very morning - but even that wasn't measure enough; I went to school the next day, on the understanding that I would still be tutoring students from my computer at the Learning Centre, but face-to-face tutoring would be suspended, to discover that the cafeteria was closed, with no plans to reopen anytime soon. Since I had to commute between campuses to attend an emergency meeting about changed circumstances - this Tuesday, which also ended up being the day of my emergency root canal, more on which below - I took advantage of my proximity to the Commercial Skytrain to grab two slices of Megabite pizza. Erika and I also had some takeout since (a Hawaiian pizza again), but I'm guessing sitting across from each other at a restaurant is not an experience we'll be having for a few months, or maybe ever again. So that last one at Ho's, I guess, is the moment to remember. (We couldn't sit down in there now if we wanted to, I'm sure they're shuttered to all but takeout).

What was the last concert you saw? (Or what were the last few concerts, if you're a music fan and want to record more than one...). 

I'm gonna mention three that I saw before things started shutting down: Doug Andrew and the Circus in Flames, the Graham Brown Band, and EddyD and the Sex Bombs at the Fairview on my 52nd birthday on March 7th. Doug got everyone to sing Happy Birthday To You to me (thanks, Doug!). Preoccupied with the birthday boy stuff, I didn't actually shoot any video of him, but I enjoyed the few new songs he debuted, and I shared cake that Erika had bought with a bunch of my friends (including Doug and Eddy and Shelley Preston and a few other people). I chatted with Scott McLeod, Jack "Fucking" Keating (who I guess will have to postpone his Mayday fuck band celebration), and my friends Tom Charity and Fiona Morrow, Bob and Beth Hanham, John Werner, Ed Hurrell, and the famed DOA colouring book/ NO FUN cassette-cover artist ARGH! (Nick Mitchum on Facebook - he gave me a Chewbacca-themed birthday card). Erika and I left a bit early, despite Eddy having listed us, because it was well past midnight, and Erika had a Weight Watchers meeting to attend the next morning, which involved waking up at 8am (it also has turned out to be Erika's final non-virtual Weight Watchers). I was given a gift by Ed Hurrell of music he and Nick Mitchum (real name Ken) had recorded, but I have no idea where that got to, actually! I also bought a Graham Brown CD, and have listened to it since - it's good! And John Werner is on it! Check it out here...

By the way, I did shoot video of Graham Brown, and another of Eddy D. and the Sex Bombs. Great bands. Thanks to everyone who came out (missing the Lou Reed tribute at Lanalou's - it was nice to have a gathering of friends before all this went down).

After that, I went to see Coco Montoya with Paul Pigat, at the Rickshaw on March 8th. There was a weirdly expressive and slightly drunk woman who tried to get friendly with Erika Lax, who is more sociable than I am, but she quickly irritated me, doing things like grabbing my backpack (which she insisted stay on a seat she wasn't sitting in, so it could reserve the seat, even though she'd piled her sweater and such on top of it and wasn't sitting anyways); at one point, when I went to move it, she - assuming I was doing it for her benefit, but really because I would rather have my pack between my legs than on a seat beside me -  grabbed my arm with both her bare hands to stop me - which is something I don't care for even if there isn't a virus scare about. I actually shouted at her to get her hands off me, but strangely enough, neither she nor my wife seemed to hear me - it's like my reaction was so outside the realm of expected behaviour it was invisible.

Anyhow, Pigat blew Erika and I away, and I excitedly bought a Boxcar Campfire CD off him, and got him to sign it to Erika and myself. Oddly enough, Paul trotted up beside me on the street the next day as I was walking to work. He said Coco was really sweet to hang out with. I told him that he blew Coco off the stage the other night. He's a pretty humble guy, I think - or quiet in his pride? - but goddamn, his guitar work that night shone. We only chatted for a minute, but we were both looking ahead to Billy Bragg at that point. Was that really only a week ago?

Finally, on March 11th, I went to see The Imperial - the new group with Scott McLeod, Cam Alexander, Rich Katynski, and Michael Nathanson, whom I interviewed for the Straight; Nathanson was also drumming for Betty Bathory's band Paranoid Romantic. Video of The Imperial here and here, and Paranoid Romantic here. Before arriving, I had grabbed a Chinese dinner after work at a Taiwanese beef noodle place, which was spicy but not really my thing, and checked in with Bob Hanham, to look through a GG Allin book he'd given me for my birthday (!) - he had gotten a copy for himself, but hadn't cracked it open yet, and I thought he'd be curious, so I opened mine (later, it would prompt Betty Bathory to tell the story of the time she had worn a t-shirt that had been drawn on and worn by GG Allin himself. She made the obvious joke - she's immune to Coronavirus because she wore a t-shirt once worn by GG). I had never been at the Roxy before, and hadn't seen either of the bands playing before, so it was really fun; my friend Judith Beeman popped up, and I got a handshake from Cam and a hug from Betty (and maybe Judith), all of which may be things people won't do so much anymore. (Bob also reluctantly shook my hand but suggested we stick to elbow bumps thereafter).

What was the last movie you saw in a theatre? 

Easy: A day or two before my birthday, at Cineplex International Village, with Erika: Disappearance at Clifton Hill. Which is interesting and fresh but ultimately one of those kind of quirky Canadian thrillers that takes a page from arthouse and independent cinema and leaves you with more questions than answers, at first (though I think enough pieces are there that you can sort things out.) It wasn't great. David Cronenberg was in it. He was better as Dekker. I like seeing him act, but this role wasn't entirely the right one, let's put it that way (he plays a conspiracy-minded Niagra Falls blogger who dives for stuff lost to the falls). Movie is worth checking out if it pops up on Netflix or something, not bad - unique - but also not great.

If you have been told to stay home, what was your last day at your workplace?

Last day I was told to go in was Tuesday the 17th. The morning when I was told I didn't have to - that I could work from home - was Wednesday the 18th. I went in that day, anyhow, in order to get a few things; almost no one was on the Skytrain that day, despite it having been standing room only for a good part of the ride the previous two days. I would say March 18th was the day we got serious about social distancing. Oddly, it was also my third anniversary with Erika.

Spent most of Thursday and Friday training on software we'll need to tutor online and hold virtual meetings and such. Today, we were told, basically, not to come in to even pick up stuff, unless we cleared it ahead of time.

I am kind of coveting an office chair from the Learning Centre, actually. If I'm going to be tutoring from home, I might as well be seated comfortably.

What was the last deliberate physical contact you had with someone who does not live with you?

Tuesday, I ended up discovering that the dental appointment I thought I was having the coming Saturday - ie., tomorrow, as I write this - had been cancelled, and a new appointment could be scheduled with an endodontist, but only if I went that afternoon, because all dental clinics were closing down. I think I told this story above already, but I had a very fast and almost painless root canal in a front tooth, which left me broke, but also without pain, which had been getting intense. (It was not one of those "infected tooth" scenarios; I'd bitten something the wrong way, which compromised a filling, which in turn caused my nerve to get inflamed and, according to my dentist, start dying. By Tuesday afternoon, if I had anything hot or cold or put pressure on the tooth, it led to an explosion of agony that I could feel throughout my skull. It needed dealing with. Thank you, Drs. Shuen, Alblans,and Hafezi, for your work here! (Dr. Hafezi was the guy who finally got'er done).

Anyhow, on the way to the root canal, a high school English teacher I had when I was sixteen beelined for me on Broadway street and presented his fist for a fist bump. I did not want to fist bump anyone at that point, but I obliged him, then made apologies - "I'm just rushing off for a last minute root canal." I mean, he's a bit of a character, I guess, but he introduced me to the music of Phil Ochs when I was young, so there's that.

In any event, in terms of last physical contact with a stranger, I guess it is either said former high school teacher, or my dentist. The dentist wore gloves, though, so...

What was the last big trip to a store, to shop for something frivolous?  

On payday, March 13th - which I had off - before everything shut down and I realized I would need emergency root canal surgery from a specialist (thus not covered fully by our dental plans, costing me around four hundred un-planned for and un-reimbursable dollars, on March 16th, the day most dental offices shut down), I dragged about 70 CDs and five or ten LPs to Sunrise Records for a trade in. They had Church of Misery's Master of Brutality, which their manager - an affable chap who worked briefly at Red Cat, and before that at the Robson HMV - had special ordered initially for himself. Having seen their show here a couple weeks ago, I was totally gung-ho to own their smokin' cover of "Cities on Flame" on vinyl. But it turned out that I got about $150 for that trade in, so I splurged on Todd Haynes' new film Dark Waters, which Erika and I kind of loved - it's not as morally complex or intellectually challenging as Safe, which is still Haynes' masterpiece, but it surprised me in that it actually turned out to be a keeper. I also upgraded my copy of Bug! (the William Castle production about fire-starting cockroaches, directed by sometimes-Vancouver resident Jeannot Swarcz, of Jaws II fame, and adapted from Thomas Page's novel The Haephestus Plague, which I read as a teen and loved.

Oh, on my big trade in, I grabbed The Deer Hunter and Fifteen Days, the latter because Bob Hanham had likened our current situation to the Cuban Missile Crisis. And the Beastie Boys Ill Communication on vinyl (we've been doing a bit of hip hop, here).

The next day - Saturday the 14th - I made a trip to Videomatica, and grabbed another horror movie based on a novel that I read as a teen, Nightwing, on blu-ray from Mill Creek with a Daryl-Duke co-directed film called Shadow of the Hawk, which I have not seen. Actually, I had never seen the film of Nightwing, either - I missed it as a kid, so I have wanted to see it for something like 40 years. Scratch that itch! Both are horror movies set within First Nations communities, and both star non-First Nations actors as supposed aboriginals. As far as Italian-American actors go, Nick Mancuso in Nightwing makes a far better native than Armand Assante in Prophecy. 

Anyhow, the timeline is all tangled now, since this wasn't meant to be in sequence, but I had consulted with my second-to-last dentist that day, and made an appointment that got cancelled for root canal surgery the following week, which ended up getting cancelled - hence the scramble for someone who could handle me on the 16th. I thought, at that point, that I had a lot more money to tide me over than I turned out to... a Videomatica run seemed excusable. By Tuesday, having paid for that endodontist, such things were out of the question.

I've been to the local Walmart and a couple of other places since, but not for non-essentials (unless you count the tulips I bought for my wife yesterday, when getting groceries).

By the way, I got to meet and chat with Church of Misery (that's a vid I shot that night), and loved their Vancouver show, not too too long ago. Really glad I got to see Eugene Chadbourne one more time, too (especially his cover of "Eight Miles High!"). That's one of two vids I shot that night that I posted... touring rock and roll bands... hope you've seen plenty of them, enough to make the memories last. It's like someday grandparents will be telling their grandkids about the good 'ol days when people gathered in the hundreds just to have fun!

What plans have you cancelled, because of COVID-19?

Well, I have stopped thinking I will rush to transcribe my Ryszard Bugajski interview, apropos of the Clearcut screening that I assume will be cancelled, and I had to cancel an interview that I had set up with Seattle stoner doom duo Year of the Cobra, who had been planning to play Pub 340 in April. With the border and Pub 340 both closed, that interview has been put on indefinite hiatus. (Good, apocalyptic heaviness with a female vocalist; they take a page from bass-and-drum duos like Om, but I actually like them better).

I had also thought I would write, as time allowed, about storc, Eddy D, Betty Bathory, the SLIP~ons, Fu Manchu, Martin Barre, Vile Creature, and Satanic doo-wop band Twin Temple, who were going to open for Tiger Army. And I was looking forward to seeing all of said people play. While I realize all these people/ bands exist, still, and that some will be shifting to alternate modes of delivery like livestreamed concerts you can pay for, I think I am better off focusing my energies and monies on surviving the apparent end of the world, or whatever this is. If you thought it was tough getting by as a musician before the world ended...

Tonight, Erika and I watched Shaun of the Dead, at least until she fell asleep beside me on the couch. I am thinking we will try Juan of the Dead and maybe the remake of Dawn of the Dead, neither of which she has seen (I tried the Romero Dawn with her but she fell asleep both times we started it).

I'm so glad we're together. I did a Happy Anniversary post for us on Facebook, but not here. Life would be kind of unthinkable if I were single, right now.

I turn my questions over to the rest of you - document the moment for posterity, maybe? Maybe it will be interesting for people to look back on how life was pre-COVID-19 (or maybe I'm being too dramatic?)

...when you stop to think about it...

In a way, the empty streets, shuttered businesses, and respectful distances are remarkable glimpses into our capacity for collective action. This virus is forcing us to change the way we are living, and for the most part, we're rising to the occasion. It's a shame we can't meet every challenge (global warming, say) so effectively - but who knows, maybe this crisis will somehow empower us to take action?

Coronanoia 4: My Tooth and the Real World

I owe Dave Bowes a thank you. On Facebook, he corrected a misapprehension of mine that I think maybe other people share: the efforts at social distancing are NOT in aid of attempting to defeat the new virus; they're in aid of slowing exposure to it, to give the health care system a chance to catch up, so that that portion of the population that requires hospitalization and urgent care can receive it. The virus is probably with us for good now - it seems definitely to be out of the bag, unless a vaccine can be created - but if a shit ton of us get sick at once, that's going to mean some people dying needlessly, because the resources are not going to be there to help them. That's what "flattening the curve" means. Stephen Hamm, Theremin Man posted a useful video explaining this.

I had not fully understood the logic of all this until late in the game, and now that I do, things kind of make sense. The important takeaway here is that social distancing is NOT being advised because people are saying it is dangerous to be around other people right now, the end of the world, etc. There's no cause for getting all survivalist here! It's just about preventing a rapid uptick in cases of COVID-19, so that our hospitals can continue to function... it's going to hurt a lot of small businesses, but it's not the end of the world; it's just a cautionary measure, and it's kind of impressive that basically everyone except the Reverend Horton Heat is on board with it, from Disneyland to Cineplex, from Live Nation to the bars of Vancouver on St. Paddy's Day. It's been a bit confusing, and I think the world could use a bit more top-down reassurance and help with thinking things through, but there is no cause to panic.

Unless you have a root canal that needs urgent doing, and you've discovered that dentist's offices are shutting down for a few weeks, which is what happened to me this morning. I had quite a panicky run to an endodontist I don't know for a procedure that was scheduled this very morning, because my appointment for next weekend was cancelled. It's a good thing I called my dentist's office this morning and set things in motion, because even the endodontist I saw was preparing to close his offices as of tonight. He managed to do a fast and ALMOST painless root canal of an inflamed nerve, and put in a permanent filling (which probably won't require a crown). Glad my work let me take the time off to get it done. Not sure what the rest of the province is going to do about their dental needs, but...

...anyhow, I have a fixed tooth, and Erika and I have just enough groceries that we can get by for a week without much going out (tho' I think we will both still be going to work and back).

Good luck to the rest of you. Don't panic. Things will sort themselves out - a new normal will emerge. Meantime, here's Arnold Schwarzenegger, a pony, and a donkey to cheer you up.

Meh

Add to the mix of stresses:  I have a bad tooth, getting exponentially worse, requiring a root canal. It first flared up on Wednesday or Thursday; the dentist today said it was "too hot" to work on it, and re-scheduled me for a procedure next Saturday (which I hope works, because it's getting very sore).

Anyhow, I'm on pain meds and antibiotics and staying home. Enjoy the gigs tonight, folks...

Coronanoia 3: Corona Virus Versus LAST CHANCE TO ROCK 'N' ROLL for awhile probably

It has become somewhat confusing to know what to do in the face of recent public safety measures. 

There’s a lot to process.

I mean, universities are shutting down larger classes. Disneyland is closed. Tom Hanks and Justin Trudeau and their spouses are undergoing self-quarantine (but not together). I am guessing people who were really looking forward to the Rolling Stones are kind of bummed.

But am I clear on this, this is all in aid of containment? There is the idea still that this virus can be contained and eradicated? Is that the plan? Or are we just prolonging a scenario when everyone in the world gets this new bug, and it keeps coming back…? If we can’t contain it… then what? If we know now that we can’t contain it, are we, what, just giving it our best shot?

No one ever goes to Italy again, or something? Or something more, I don’t know, collapse-of-civilization? What changes are we in the midst of witnessing, and just how temporary are they?

Okay, so, uh, yeah, okay, I can process this. (Do the people who are hoarding toilet paper know something I don’t, or can they at least tell me where I can buy a cheap thermometer?). What are we down here on the lower tiers supposed to be doing, exactly? There’s still lots of people out there shopping – Metrotown was, maybe save Christmas, as full as I’ve seen it… but nowhere fuller than the grocery floor at Walmart, where people were making very large purchases, and there were prominent displays of hand sanitizer described as being 99% something (I couldn’t read the something, because it was in a Chinese character).  

Am I overreacting?  I had a tickle in my throat so I phoned in sick yesterday, and it turned out to be nothing (I'm fine, today), but – I mean, help me out, here, folks: what’s the playbook we’re supposed to be operating from? If I get a bug, and go to work, and spread it… How exactly am I supposed to be practicing social distancing when I work with people all day?

More importantly, how does this all relate to TOMORROW’S SHOW AT THE RICKSHAW? …Or, what, the Dayglos are playing somewhere, too, aren’t they? I am sure there are lots of shows happening, and I am equally sure that after this weekend, there’s not going to be so many. Mo posted on Facebook about how Timbre and Live Nation's decision to pull the plug on concerts are going to affect him. Dig this, the Rickshaw has no shows booked from March 13^th – tomorrow night – and March 26^th. Shows I had planned to see (Satanic doo wop band Twin Temple, opening for Tiger Army in April!) are cancelled. Just as well I haven’t put any time into interviewing Martin Barre!

Part of me is thinking, ummm, maybe I should stay home tomorrow night, and play it safe, and part of me is thinking, no, fuck that noise, this might be the last night I’ll get to go to a concert in a REALLLLLLY LONG TIME: who knows, maybe I could take in BOTH Sunday Morning and the Dayglos, depending on when bands go onstage…?

One… last… concert…

It’s messing me up. Should I – sorry – stay, or should I go? What is the more rock’n’roll decision? What is the more rational one?  Are we being actually, officially told to not go out for non-essentials? 

I still don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’ll say this, Bruce Wilson: don’t guestlist me. If this is gonna be the last time I get to go to the Rickshaw before the world ends or whatever comes next comes next, I’m gonna pay to get in!

If I go.

(Didja see? monkeys are rioting in the streets of Thailand because a sudden massive drop in tourism means they have no one feeding them treats. Thousands of monkeys, running amok. Shit is messed up). 

Sunday Morning on Saturday Night: a Bruce Wilson interview

Bruce Wilson by Bob Hanham (definitely)

Sunday Morning's new album, Consequence of Love (Side 2), kicks off with a rather dark rocker called "The War Came to Us," which, with repeated warnings that there "ain't much time," seems to fit the apocalyptic, threatened mood of our current world—even though it appears overtly to be about a couple running out of dope in an Arizona motel. But underneath what frontman Bruce Wilson describes as "an obvious drug vibe," thematically, "it’s about a relationship that seems impossible to leave despite how unhealthy it is. I wanted to capture that feeling of being trapped, the claustrophobia of that situation. The line 'We have the rest of our lives—it ain’t much time' speaks to thinking we have all the time in the world to change when in reality that’s just not the case."

Wilson doesn't see it as "particularly apocalyptic," however: "more of basic realization that our time is limited. Fully admitting to my mortality has benefited me greatly. My imminent and unavoidable death is what drives me to make necessary changes in my life and provides me with focus on a daily basis."

Certainly, since the eponymous Sunday Morning debut LP came out in 2017, Wilson has not been wasting time. Besides several Sunday Morning shows—including a highly memorable one I caught at the SBC Cabaret, organized by Billy Hopeless, whom Wilson describes as "incredibly supportive" and possessed of an "enormous heart"— he's been seen ripping into a Dead Boys at a recent Black Halos reunion show; he joined Tom Anselmi of Slow for lead vocals on "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother," during Slow's 10-night-stand at the Penthouse; and he's done a few guest appearances with GRRL, a band put together by R.d. Cane, who has directed many of Sunday Morning's videos, like "Come the Rain," "Sick in the City," "1986" and the lead single off the new album, "Breathe." Playing live with GRRL is "always beautiful kinetic chaos," Wilson says. 

Alas, there is one collaborator who will not be with him this time out - Stephen Hamm, Wilson's former bandmate in Tankhog. Hamm "left the project last summer when he decided to focus his attention into his amazing solo project Theremin Man. I’m in awe of what that man can do with such an esoteric instrument. He’s making music that’s both completely original and captivating. I love it!"

Hamm was, however, involved in the recording of Consequence of Love (Side 2). "I started writing the new album with Felix [Fung] out at Little Red Sounds Studio last winter and Hamm came out to join us in the process. He stayed with us through the first part of the recording process and added a tremendous amount of creative talent during that period." Wilson is confident the two will collaborate again in the future: "We support each other fully," he says. 

While I can appreciate Wilson's love of Scott Walker, Leonard Cohen, and Nick Cave - three influences we discuss at length in a past interview, who do come through on many of his songs - I tend to be immediately drawn to his rockers. "I'm in Love" has the swagger of vintage Aerosmith, though their later output has tainted their legacy a bit, and I'm shy to ask Wilson if he's a fan.

I needn't be. "I fucking love Aerosmith!" he exclaims. "Rocks and Toys In The Attic will always be two of my favorite albums. The song 'Rats In The Cellar' is as punk as it gets." But Wilson's own take on the song is that it has "an Alice Cooper vibe—like if he was drinking cough syrup with Rowland S Howard in a Melbourne squat."

Saturday's show at the Rickshaw will feature two noted opening acts, Hunting and Jody Glenham. "I have immense respect for both those artists. The new Hunting album is phenomenal and Jody Glenham is a tremendous talent who works harder than anyone else in this city. It’s going to be great to play live with our new line up too. We recently added Kyle Schick (he most recently played with Dead Soft) on guitar and keyboards and he’s fit into the groove perfectly. We’ve found a sweet spot between order and chaos/ darkness and light that is vital and exhilarating. It’s not often that something like this comes along and I’m very excited to see where this goes."

As Mike Usinger discusses with Wilson in a recent Straight piece, the album is only half of a planned project; Mike writes that "a story-completing Side 1 will be released in the future." Why start with side 2, however? "Good question and my only answer is that we could only afford to record these songs and it just felt like Side 2."

Speaking of the apocalypse, however - with LiveNation and Timbre pulling the plug on concerts left and right, and shows south of the border by artists like Patti Smith getting cancelled or postponed in the name of "social distancing," does Wilson have any thoughts on COVID-19? 

"It's irrelevant to the album but it may not be irrelevant to attendance at the show," he says, but adds that he tries "not to panic about anything... In the grand scheme of things I have little importance (if any), so self-centered fear is a useless expense of energy that could be used for something else much more productive. I don’t see how hoarding food or toiletries is of service to anyone. Obviously this virus needs to be treated seriously and. in regards to the show, anyone who is feeling sick or who has a compromised immune system should stay home. Being sensible and pragmatic through this is paramount."

It doesn't stop him from being excited about the show, or the band. "For the foreseeable future, I’m planning on directing all my time and energy into Sunday Morning. We’re coming together in an incredibly powerful way. It seems like the festivals and shows we had lined up for the summer are going to be cancelled, so we’ll probably spend the time hunkered down in the studio writing our next album. Make the best use of this time as we can."

Sunday Morning plays the Rickshaw Saturday, March 14th; Facebook event page here. 

Coronanoia 2: Waking Up With... a Cold?

So last night, I went out, said hi to a friend, flipped through a cool GG Allin book with him, then went down to the Roxy for a bit to see the Imperial and Paranoid Romantic, both featuring drummer Michael Nathanson, whom I interviewed here. Really fun show. Other than having wiped down the computer mouses (mice) and spacebars at public computers at work, I had done nothing different with my day, marvelling at the spreading panic about coronavirus - which my friend likened to the Cuban Missile Crisis and the days of duckin' and coverin'. I felt perfectly healthy. Panic? No: I was thinkin' about a show I planned to go to this weekend (...which it would be irresponsible for me to name, since, who knows, if people think I might be there, they might stay home in droves!) and anticipating a busy day today at work (I'm an English tutor at a school).

This morning, I woke up feeling not so healthy: typical cold-symptom stuff, but enough that it seemed irresponsible to take public transit to work and talk to a dozen or more students. I phoned in sick, and am now in a position to consider firsthand the way the health care system here will impact the spread of the disease. It's kind of like World War Z (the book, not so much the moive) without the zombies: the way each country handles the crisis will be based on their politics, their infrastructure. The US will under-diagnose themselves because of the lack of socialized medicine. Canada, meanwhile, will try to take care of absolutely everyone, so that waiting lists stretch to infinity, while supplies run thinner and thinner.

I mean, it's an interesting thing to contemplate, but it was more fun thinking about it when I didn't have the signs of a cold. I don't think I have it, but I want confirmation that this is so - I want to be tested and reassured, not because I am so worried, but so I can return to work without fear that I am spreading a relatively serious illness. Reasonable, right?

In fact, I'd rather get it early and get it over with, before the entire country turns into a panicky, disorganized, bogged-down shitshow. All I want is a test, so I can say with certainty to people that I am healthy. I don't feel so hot, but it really is far more likely that this is just another round of seasonal illness. It is being said that the antibodies created by the disease only last awhile, and do not give you permanent immunity, but, I mean, if I'm going to try to look on the bright side of things, one is less likely to get sick WITH the antibodies than without, so...

Actually, on the way out to work this morning, my wife heard me say something to this end - "I hope I do have it" - and kind of freaked out, but rest assured, folks, I'm not going out and licking transit handrails, here. It's just that if there's a good chance everyone is going to get this sickness, better to have it in the rearview than the headlights, right? (Help me out here).

Alas, my doctor's office was fully booked. They somewhat obnoxiously don't start answering their phones until well after they are open, so I had to go to the office to inquire in person, whereupon the receptionist lectured me about my not having called ahead, "because we're screening clients." I pointed out that it was not possible for me to call ahead, since they still had their "our office is now closed" message on seven minutes into being open (I had called them before coming).

They didn't seem moved by my retort.

I have since then spent about half an hour on 811 (busy, alternating between a signal and a recorded male voice telling me that I should try my call later). With that not working, I called Burnaby Hospital - because I don't relish the idea of waiting in an ER for five hours. If that's what it takes to get tested, it's almost not worth it - I mean, I might feel fine in a couple days, right?

They couldn't help me. They had no information about wait times at the ER and suggested I call the Corona Virus Hotline (yes, there is such a thing; one of the questions they ask is who gave you the number). They have a loop of muzak periodically interrupted by a female voice saying call volumes are high, but after fifteen minutes or so, I was connected to someone. I explained that I work with the public, that quite a few of my students are from China, South Korea, and Iran, and that I am concerned more about possibly spreading the virus than having it myself. I was told that I should find out if I have a fever, first and foremost: fever, cough, and difficulty breathing are the three most significant symptoms, though of course one may be asymptomatic for some time and still have the virus. Apparently if one has a fever, it can help expedite procedures like getting seen at the emergency ward; the next step, if I am confirmed as having the virus, seems to be to call the province and report it.

No one is telling me to self-isolate unless the symptoms get severe, because, again, we're operating from the assumption that this is a cold. With only a mild cough, and a few aches and pains... I start to consider my options: I mean, it's enough to keep me away from work, but I can get back to work sooner if I can confirm that I don't have this. To confirm I do or don't have this, I should know if I have a fever, but there's no thermometer here to be found, and the app store reviews for alleged "body temperature" apps suggest most or all are garbage, that don't actually take your temperature.

There's a lot of thumb work as I scroll through articles. What do you do if you think you have a cold, but can't be sure?

I decide, since I need lunch anyhow, that I should go try to acquire a thermometer. It's not exactly self-isolating behaviour but again, it's probably just a cold. I will refrain from breathing at anyone or touching things. I walk to the mall.

Guess what? Walmart is sold out of thermometers. Shoppers' Drug Mart has exactly one left: it costs $70. I am not going to spend $70 on a thermometer.

Okay. I head back home. I listen to a bit of music, then opt to go to bed. I feel barely anything is wrong with me - but that's what the first day of a cold is often like. I sleep, and soak the pillowcases with sweat, and wake up wondering, "Do I have a fever?"

Shit got real! I am now on the "mildly panicked" side of the panicked-or-not equation. I hope it doesn't get too irritating for my wife!

Meantime, the funniest thing I have seen today on Facebook, courtesy the great Bob Petterson (apparently it started out on Dangerous Minds earlier today).