RIP Helen MacInnis

Mom didn't make it.

I'm doing okay. It's not the worst way to go - with a month of her and I being together every day, plus a month before she got sick where *I* was sick and crashing on her couch while I went to the hospital for my foot infection. There was a lot of love, a lot of time spent together, a lot of chances to cry; I discovered that - comparing this to the loss of my father, where denial kind of reigned - it's much better to get your crying in before someone passes, when they're there, than after. It was all exhausting, and I'm no doubt not through it (or through the work I have to do, dealing with her estate, apartment and so forth), but I'm actually doing pretty good, I think.

I'm kind of glad it happened like it did, actually. Wednesday and Thursday were progressively more dark and depressing, as Mom faded away. Friday morning, with my consent, they'd tried a more aggressive measure to assist her breathing, in the hopes that there could be something more done to save her; there wasn't, but it had the wonderful benefit, for me, of WAKING HER UP, so we could spend one final day with her. (Selfish, but she got to laugh and say a few things and hear a few songs and see Erika again - her face lit right up when she arrived - and even ate a little vanilla pudding. So it could have been worse for her, too).

But Mom passed on Friday night, sometime around 10pm, I guess, if the call from the hospital was an accurate indication (I had gone home after about twelve hours at her bedside, because it was clear she was in her final sleep and would not be waking up). She was in no pain. My girlfriend Erika was there with me, until that last sleep started, and at Mom's request - almost Mom's last request - helped curl her hair before she got her final meds. Then I asked if I could take her picture with Erika, and she, as she loved to do, stuck out her tongue for the picture (though I missed it, in fact. But I have lots of pics of Mom with her tongue out).

 It was difficult, and painful, but it was also a sweet, sweet final day.

And that's all I'm going to say for now.