Indigo vs the Mysterious Brown Stains

CUT AND PASTED OFF FACEBOOK, because what the hell, let's keep social media evil:

Boy Indigo Metrotown sucks.

So I have time to kill before meeting Erika at the mall. I'm interested in this novel Angel Down -- a horror novel that won the Pulitzer. So I go to the Metrotown Indigo. But where is the horror section? For years it was to the back left, but now it has been moved, and it's been moved at least twice, because it's not where it last was, either. But I can't find it, then I can't find a staff member; the only ones in store seem to be at the till, so finally, having looped the store twice, I go to the till and bug someone. She first suggests she will call someone to help me, but then breaks down and gives me fast directions and I'm able to find it: unlike every other section in the store, which are labeled by genre (Fantasy, Romance, etc), Horror is tucked under the descriptor Fiction, with "horror" in small print, like they're embarrassed by it, and it's kind of hidden between the teen fiction and the romance novels, rather than next to Science Fiction and Mystery, which is where it belongs. Which is a bizarre place to put it, and a bizarre way to put signage up. Best yet, turns out the book is not in the section, but rather under fiction. Anyhow, I find it.

But in looping past the music section, I see they still have the book Keep Music Evil, about the Brian Jonestown Massacre, with my friend Bev's cover on the photo -- a somewhat infamous image, which I already have on a pin, but I would buy the book for the cover alone... EXCEPT, I open it and see a brown stain on the first page. Then I flip through it and there are brown stains throughout. Someone with a substance on their fingers -- WE HOPE CHOCOLATE -- has looked through the book and left smears everywhere. There is also a texturally lumpy big brown stain on the back cover and brown stains on the page ends. We can see why it is still on the shelf!

I was going to buy the book, but not at full price in this condition, so I bring it to the till. The staff member I show it to inspects it and says she will get a manager, because she has to get approval for a more-than-20-percent-off discount, which is something SHE brings up, not me. But I'm now not leaving the store with that book unless there is a more than 20 percent off discount. The young manager who comes over, however, shown the stains, sticks on 20%. So now I find myself in the undignified position of HAGGLING over a book that literally looks shit-smeared (I mean, yes, probably chocolate, but...).

I only realize after I walk away (with the book I came for, but not the brown-smeared BJM one) that I should have said, "Okay, if you are so sure that's just chocolate, tell you what: if you press your tongue to the big patch on the back cover, I'll pay full price."

At least it would be entertaining to see her hesitate.

Which idea I should probably not have mentioned in the "How Satisfied With Your Experience" email I just wrote, but fuckit, what would Anton do? I mention on the way out to the original clerk, who I think was embarrassed by her cheap-ass supervisor, that my friend took the cover photo. I wonder if they just put it back on the shelf?