Friday, February 06, 2009

On his food poisoning: divine retribution's a bitch

I'd only eaten a single dry ricecake for breakfast on Wednesday, so there's not much question as to where I picked up the bout of food poisoning I currently labour under: Megabite Pizza off Robson. I had two slices there on Wednesday afternoon. I suspect that, in fact, it was not poor food hygiene on Megabite's part, however, that caused this two-day bout of puking, shitting, achy misery that I've been experiencing, but, in fact, divine retribution: for, as I enjoyed my ham, salami, and sausage pizza, I found myself experiencing a flickering feeling of smug superiority to a group of Muslim students seated outside, eating artichoke and olive pizza - studiously having avoided all meat dishes, lest they be contaminated by pig flesh. Ha-ha, I thought to myself: they can't eat this fine pork because of their antiquated dietary laws. Ha-ha, aren't they missing out? I idly considered taunting them with a piece of salami.

Clearly Allah has zapped me in the bowels, to teach me a lesson. And if I read that lesson in the "narrow" sense ("don't eat at Megabite Pizza off Robson"), I'm the only one who really stands to lose, right?

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