So my girl was being poked by my somewhat bristly moustache whenever we kissed. Our habit of referring to the odd stray nose-hairs that stick from my nostrils as "fangs" - which she's kind of horrified and fascinated to see me yank out, and which she herself braved to remove with a sharp tug or two the other week - had led to jokes about my moustache and nose-fangs as being "Nose-feratu." So I offered to do a Stan Rogers for her - a great Canadian folk musician who sported the beard-with-no-moustache look (for all I know, it was because his girl didn't want to have HER lip abraded, either).
And an after, taken the next day, shirt still wet from the shave:
The Mary Ellen Carter?"