Why bats? The story of "If I Was a Bat": My Cancer, My Wedding, and NO FUN

Like the title of the under-sung Polish vampire film says, I Like Bats. 

I've been saddened by the dwindling in their population, which has been an occasional theme here on Alienated, as when, in 2012, I went on a long walk into the Maple Ridge countryside, to areas once abundant in bats, and found none, despite bats once having been so commonplace there that a childhood pastime with the kids of our housing complex was to go stand in a parking lot and throw rocks in the air, trying to trick bats into diving for them (bats can't tell a thrown pebble from a large flying insect and would swoop for them; this was a viable entertainment option in Maple Ridge in the 1970s).

I even dreamed, once, as a child, of being a bat, taking to the wing in bat form. I can still remember the feeling; flying dreams were frequent but the one where I was a bat is a favourite. 

When I lived in Japan, from 1999-2002, I would see plentiful bats, often flying over the rice paddies as I cycled home from work (I am a non-cyclist but had a three-wheeled granny bike for transportation purposes). Bats would swoop at me. I wrote a lyric to a song which I showed a few friends, and even had a tune in mind for: "If I Was a Bat." (It seemed more like a country song, using "was" than the proper subjunctive). I showed this to a few friends at the time: 

If I was a Bat

By Allan MacInnis

If I was a bat, lord, if I was a bat
I'd eat lots of mosquitoes
Til I got really fat
I'd come out in the evening and fly around so free
If I was a bat, would you still love me?

If I was a bat,
I guess I would be blind
to all your imperfections
or at least I wouldn't mind
I'd hear your voice ring clearer
for all I could not see
If I was a bat, girl, would you still love me?

Eep eep eep eep

Eep eep eep

If I was a bat
I'd fly by every night
I'd hang outside your window
Til it started to get light
Then I'd creep into your attic
And sleep so safe and sound
If I was a bat, would you let me hang around? 

If I was

If I was

If I was a bat

If I was a bat

How would you feel ‘bout that

That's a bat drawing by Erika's Mom, Linda, made in 2017 as part of a wedding gift to my wife and I. That's when the song as we now know it came into the world. 

Unless my timeline has gotten scrambled, I had proposed to Erika before discovering that I had tongue cancer -- which manifested as a sort of chancre on my tongue that did not go away, bled, and was quite painful at times. When biopsy results came back positive, I was in a panic. The doctor who I was referred to,  who has cut out parts of my tongue on four occasions now, is a bit of an old school look-and-see type; rather than subjecting me to tons of testing to determine the size of the tumour -- which would waste time and allow the cancer to grow and spread -- he scheduled surgery as quickly as possible, with the intent of just cutting into me and finding the cancer thus (removing a margin around the affected area when they could then test: if the margin was free from cancer, he'd know he got it all). 

All of which made sense to me, but a result was considerable anxiety: would I awaken with no tongue? Would I be able to speak? Would I be able to kiss my wife? I had followed Roger Ebert's blogging when he was losing more and more of his vocal tract to cancer, and kept track of Christopher Hitchens decline due to the same sort of cancer, squamous cell (which he died from in 2011). My terror was palpable. And somehow, my worry that I would be transformed into something I could not recognize, and my fear of the impact that would have on my relationship, brought the song back to mind. Would my wife still love me if all I could say was "eep"? 

To document my voice at the time, I sang my version of the song in a Youtube video. Those of you who know me only as having a speech impediment may find it interesting to hear my "old voice." As I explain in that video (I think), Erika and I re-arranged our wedding plans, so we could get married before my surgery, that the latter not impact the former; our wedding was a rush job, held at a golf course banquet hall in Duncan, BC, in March of that year.

For that ceremony, I asked my friend and best man, David M., to adapt the song -- giving him no direction at all about the music, since I was curious what tune he would come up with, and wanted to give him free reign, almost believing that the tune in my head would invariably emerge from the lyrics -- and to perform it at my wedding. He wrote about that experience a bit here.

This was a very  meaningful thing for me: my history with M's band, NO FUN, is long and not bat-centric enough to bear retelling here, but I had also liked them since childhood, having both the 1894 cassette and the Snivel box when they came out in the mid-1980s -- in addition to the Vancouver Complication, on which they feature, and the "Don't Leave Me Hanging/ It Came from Heaven" 7 inch -- so it meant something to me to have someone whose music I had long enjoyed play a song I wrote, even if his version was surprisingly different! Various friends of mine were present to hear the first performance of the song. But it took on a life of its own, and has remained in David M.'s setlists since, with me eventually invited up onstage with M. to perform the tune. I have "flown the bat" and joined in on background Eeps on a few occasions now: 

Further enriching the story, David's friend and bandmate Pete Campbell (of the Sweaters and Wardells and Pink Steel, who I also have a long history with) did something delightful at the Princeton, surprising me by having his current band, Coach StrobCam, work up an arrangement of the song that followed my original tune (I had no idea he was going to do this, though I believe the recording there may not be the first performance thus). M. also wrote other variants -- "The Bat Variations," if you will -- some of which you will be able to hear next Wednesday at the gig I have arranged to mark the 20th anniversary of this blog, also featuring Coach StrobCam and several other friends of mine, oft mentioned on this website. 

But there is much more to the story, with a US label, Atomic Werewolf, steadily releasing NO FUN's back catalogue into the world, "If I Was a Bat" now exists on 7" vinyl and CD, on the Eep Eep Eep Eep EP. This marks the first time that a lyric of mine has appeared on physical media. Copies of this will be on sale at the gig, thanks to Atomic Werewolf's Kent Lindsay (interviewed here). 

Note that M. is wearing a shirt designed by another friend of mine for that -- the Prehistoric BC shirt designed by a fellow named Kevin Wnuk. I had forgotten I'd gotten/ given him one! There is also a NO FUN "Bat M-and Signal" t-shirt that riffs on the bat theme: 

There is also a new development in this saga: with the help of (Daddy Issues bassist) Richard Katynski's Future Ink Traditions, a new shirt has been prepared, adapting some of the art done by Linda Lax into shirt form. Mind you, her delicate watercolour work was not going to translate well to silkscreen: 

So Erika helped adapt the art into something that would work. To my count, 23 of these shirts have been made (no reference to Robert Anton Wilson's favourite number was intended, note: I ordered 20 shirts, but then Richard couldn't get 3 women's t-shirts in Erika's size; I provided him a separate shirt for her; then -- as a precaution -- he ordered five extra shirts to his order, in case I wanted more: 20 - 3 + 1 + 5 = 23.)

As far as I know, only 23 of these shirts will ever exist. Some are spoken for already. If you like the idea of a limited-edition bat-themed t-shirt, you should come to the gig on Wednesday! Here are some shirts being made: 

 And of course there will also be music (and other merch, including, possibly, copies of the first-ever vinyl pressing of NO FUN's 1894. The cover artist, ARGH!!, will be present, likely with merch of his own. This version of 1894 has been re-imagined slightly for vinyl release, but looks terrific, and is also not going to be around in vinyl for very long, so fans of NO FUN are encouraged to take action ASAP. 

And performers besides NO FUN and Coach StrobCam will include Enrico Renz (possibly with some help from other members of Red Herring?); the Creaking Planks' / Accordion Noir's Rowan Lipkovits; and the Minimalist Jug Band. Some of these sets will be fairly short; the intention is to start the music at 8pm, so we can finish before the weeknight curfew. The intent is for this to be a pretty joyful, playful evening; I have encouraged bat-adjacent performances, and will join M. onstage for an introductory performance of "our song," to set the stage for any (seasonally-appropriate) further bat shenanigans during the night. 

Facebook event page here, but note that there are no advance ticket sales, just tickets at the door ($20, plus the shirts will be $30; bear in mind that my cost alone of postering, merch, and room rental is getting close to $700, at this point, and that is not taking into account the manufacturing of merch not actually prepared by me: which is to say, this is not a money-making proposition, but a labour of love for all involved... and we'd love to see you there).