DOA and the Subhumans fuck up my film festival

Brian bursts, alien-like, out of Gerry's chest; photo by Allan MacInnis

The most horror-movie shot of Joe imaginable. Photo by Cindy Metherel


Dear Subhumans:

Dear DOA:

Look:

I don't get paid for 99% of what I write. The only meaningful perk I get, for all the writing I do, is my VIFF media pass. which I must earn with meaningful coverage of film events. I am currently busy planning a two week orgy of film. I've even taken time off work to maximize film viewing (which actually means that I'm paying indirectly for the pass, but fuggit).

Yeah, yeah, I know - I sometimes get on the guestlist to shows, and I sometimes get cool CDs as swag. It's not that big a break, believe me. Get me on the guestlist to see Ornette Coleman, THAT's what I want to be guestlisted for. Punk gigs and CDs I can AFFORD.

So, like, from my point of view, since your performance schedule really should revolve around me, it's in very bad taste to schedule gigs that I want to see in the same fuckin' week as the VIFF. I will have to MISS MOVIES to see you play. And of course, the chance to see you both play within two days of each other is not-to-be-missed. Subhumans, you guys in particular I'm choked at, because if memory serves, this is the second fuckin' time you've done this to me. Us under-appreciated media whores need to feel like we're cared about TOO, y'know. Stroke our egos. Tickle our expansive bellies. Don't crack jokes about the bald spot.

Like that.

- Allan

P.S. Those of you who, like me, can't watch films ALL DAY, can come see two historical Vancouver punk bands play Thursday and Saturday:

DOA plays September 27th at the Plaza; the Jolts open. I'm told DOA have a new drummer, James Hayden from the Von Zippers.

The Subhumans play September 29th at Pub 340 (at 340 Cambie) with Motorama and Betty Kracker. (Can I humbly request you include "Moving Forward" in your set this time? That's a great goddamn song!).

Upcoming gigs and articles: the Furies, DOA, Terry Chikowski, Nels Cline

I'm excited: Chris Arnett of the Furies, one of Vancouver's first and most energetic punk bands, will be putting the group back together for a Vancouver show, opening for DOA on February 10th. Anyone who saw Arnett with his second group, the Shades, at the Vancouver Complication gig knows that this is one not to be missed. I'll have an interview with Arnett up in the next little while, to correspond with something on the Furies/DOA show I've done for Discorder. Meantime, next month, make sure to check out the Terry Chikowski interview in Nerve Magazine - he was the security guard injured in the Litton Industries blast, back in the days of the so-called Squamish Five. There'll also be a brief piece on Nels Cline (in town Feb. 22, at a gig relocated from the Red Room to Richards on Richards).

Meantime, transcribing my Joey Shithead interview for the above article (and also for a longer piece I'm doin' for Razorcake), I made a fascinating discovery. To capture the flavours of Joe's speech - rich and earthy and charming - I was writing fuckin', as an adjective - not fucking, but fuckin' - and my spellcheck wasn't recognizing it. Not surprising - anytime you drop the "g" to give a more "spoken" feeling to an -ing word, the spellcheck balks and underlines it in red. The thing was, in the list of "alternatives" they suggested - I checked, for the hell of it - "fucking" was not among them! SPELLCHECKS DO NOT OFFER PROFANE SUGGESTIONS! I guess they don't want to scare old grannies who disapprove of such language by it popping up on a list of options. The discovery has prompted whole minutes of fun. If you render "asshole" as "ashole," it also does not suggest "asshole" as a possible spelling (even though it recognizes "asshole" as a word). "Ashore," yes, but not "asshole!" Next I tried writing, "I like your titts," with two T's, and got as a list of suggestions "tats, tilts, tints, tots" and "twits" - NO TITS!!!! There's a George Carlin routine in this somewhere...