\Photo: Bob Hanham, not to be reused without permission
Do you all remember the Chuck Biscuits Death Hoax of 2009? A hapless blogger -- I feel some fellowship for the man -- named James Greene Jr. believed, not without reason, that he was interacting with Chuck Biscuits. They interacted periodically over the course of six months, with everything seeming legit. Then Greene got a text from someone claiming to be Chuck Biscuits' wife, reporting from a different email account that Chuck had died of throat cancer. Greene, following the logic of Occam's Razor, reasoned that this was true, because who would lie about such a thing and why?
Chuck Biscuits was, at the time, and as far as anyone knows is still very much alive. At the time, his brother Bob Montgomery actually drove to Washington State to confirm that Chuck was still with us. After this fact emerged, Greene became a figure of some infamy for having started a widely-reported bit of misinformation. He still believes that the person he was interacting with was really Biscuits, though he cannot explain to anyone's satisfaction why Biscuits would do such a thing. You can read Greene himself on the story here (there was apparently a more conclusive follow up in Crawdaddy, but that is now offline; you should particularly check out Chuck's brother's email to Greene). People wanting an even deeper dive can explore this (now modified) original post of Greene's (complete with many comments).
I am inclined to side with Greene about what happened, for a variety of reasons: I think he was duped, but (as Bob Montgomery would apparently agree) he did no wrong. People I have talked about who are in the know in these matters seemed to agree that the hoaxer in question was not just someone with a grudge against Greene, but Biscuits himself, which kind of would explain why Biscuits has remained silent about the matter. But if the matter has ever been conclusively proven, I cannot say.
One thing I can say for sure is that you will not read any of this story in the Straight interview I did with Keith Morris, singer of the Circle Jerks, for whom Biscuits very briefly drummed. My editor has different interpretations of what went down, which I will not presume to represent, but he didn't want to go into the story -- which is a shame, because there is cause in the tale to describe weird aspects of Biscuits' personality, and having (apparently) tried to fake your own death would certainly count. [In fact, after further discussion, we have omitted some of the other stuff on chuck, as well, in the name of just leaving the guy alone). I probably could have made my case for including this material if Keith Morris had actually had insider knowledge or opinions about the matter, but he didn't.
He did tell a story that was cut as being too digressive. Quoting Keith Morris:
There was also a question I cut for brevity and focus, involving new Circle Jerks songs. The short version is: there aren't any... yet. Here's Keith:I didn't read or hear of his fake death situation but I would love for someone to tell me about this scenario. Chuck was a member of the band just long enough to say he was in the band. He was also part of one of our rhythm sections that included Michael "Flea" Balzary of the RHCPs. They played with us the night we were on a bill with Spinal Tap, Slayer and the Blasters and when we started our set the crowd looked so terrified that they all moved back about six feet as if they thought we were going to jump off the stage and attack them! After we finished and we'd dried off while drinking beers in the dressing room I was cornered by X's John Doe and Jeffrey Lee Pierce from the Gun Club and was told they had never witnessed anything like that. Dave Alvin who played guitar in the Blasters seemed really pissed off and wanted to know how they were supposed to play after that? My response to Dave was that they're The Blasters and were going to get up and move the crowd as much as we did. Remember that Mr. Alvin and his older brother Phil were firmly rooted in Americana but played with the ferociousness of any speed metal or punker dunker bands.
We've not added any new songs to our set list except a handful of tunes that people will be able to recognize and tap their toes and dance to and whistle or hum on their way home. The CJs have attempted to write a few new songs of varying quality but none being to my standards and what I mean by this is I have a book full of lyrics but I'm not moved or inspired by the songs the other guys have come up with. We haven't recorded a new album in 28 years and to adhere to a mentality of "We're the Circle Jerks and we can write whatever we want and our fans will love it" is incredibly weak and definitely not happening! We have to make a record that sounds vibrant and exciting as if our lives depend on it! There are way too many bands out there with records and touring so the competition is so much tougher and who needs another mediocre and tired recording? And besides when you go see The Rolling Stones you're not there to witness them play songs off of their newest album.
He also shared some samples of those lyrics with me "They're coming up from behind to tell me I'm benign" about my five colonoscopies. 'Mom's cosmetic surgery, Dad's neck deep in perjury, I'm so fucked up, That I can't think, Chop some rails, Let's have a drink!' about our fearless leader's cocaine- sniffing eldest offspring."
You gotta admit, rhyming "perjury" with "cosmetic surgery" is pretty fucking inspired. I'm sure looking forward to seeing the show tomorrow! People should realize that because of a long-standing feud with the Canadian government, sharing links to news sites like the Straight isn't doable, but you can share it using this website: https://r.pebmac.ca/
The link it generates is this:
https://r.pebmac.ca/https://www.straight.com/music/circle-jerkss-keith-morris-on-group-sex-chuck-biscuits-and-bleeding-on-a-vancouver-stage
And for the full story, complete with the above outtakes, you can share the link to this blogpost:
https://alienatedinvancouver.blogspot.com/2025/09/keith-morris-interivew-outtake-circle.html
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See you tomorrow at the Circle Jerks! Tickets still available! |
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