Strange days...

A lot of pain throughout January caused by this tooth issue; it's prompting some reflection, motivating me a little. The discovery that my bank probably won't extend me more credit, despite past offers - which would have been one of my options if I needed dental work done - and that income assistance won't pay for things like root canals, only emergency extractions (which can lead to disfigurements and other weird side-effects on the jaw, especially given that I'm already missing one molar on that side) helps to light a fire under my ass. The current word from my new dentist - I lost faith in the last one - is that I probably just traumatized my tooth, and need neither a root canal or an extraction, but part of the plan is just to wait and see what happens. It's kind of frightening; I'm really feeling the absence of any sort of safety net.

Anyhow, the short of it is, it seems like I need to get a straight job. Since the minor personal apocalypse I experienced in late 2009 - with my Mom suffering a disabling stroke, my dad dying, moving back to this town (losing half my belongings to bedbugs en route), and ultimately leaving my somewhat secure job in the city when the opportunity to bail on a foundering company and still collect EI presented itself, I've been sort of burying my head in the sand, saying to myself that being Mom's de facto caregiver was enough for now; I could make a bit of money as a freelancer and used bookstore guy, and with a bit of help from her, we could scrape by.

We've had some sweet days together, but the fact is, it's not going to work much longer. I need a job with a dental plan and enough of a paycheque to pay off some of the debt I've amassed. I'll always write... but at the moment I'm feeling like I need to make some serious changes in what I've been doing... I'm turning 46 next month, the same age as the recently deceased Phil Seymour Hoffman, and I've gotta start planning for the second and final half of this life...