Sigh. So, I haven't had a bed since October, been sleeping on an air mattress on the floor - quite comfortably, really (but what will people think?). Mom gave me $1000 to buy myself a bed for Christmas. Having comparison shopped a bit, my mind settled on a king size bed - I could get a decent new one for $800 at the Salvation Army, mattress and box springs and skip the frame, since - I reasoned - if I ever meet someone and couple up, we might want a bed for two, and this - going from a state of no-beddedness to a state of beddedness - would be the ideal time to plan for that eventuality. I could save money and waste in the future by buying a big bed now. In the meantime, I could roll about in the luxury of excess space.
It sounded great til I got it back to the apartment, which is when I realized just HOW BIG the bed is. Goddamn, do I now have one big bed! It's a good thing I made my bedroom into my office, because there's no way that that it would be fitting in here. The living room, now, is entirely dominated by the thing, huge and white and comical, lacking any sheets that will fit it.
Hm. Well. Maybe a queen sized would have done the trick. And what if I'm single for the rest of my life? I'll be eighty, lying alone with a mile of space on either side of me, thinking back to this moment of folly, my loneliness forever marked by the bed I never filled.
In the same spirit, the last time I got condoms I bought the jumbo box (it was the best deal!). I wonder how many will expire? ...at least when you by 24 rolls of toilet paper, you use them all...